I’m not someone who believes in fate. At least, not the simple Webster-Merriam definition of it which is to “be destined to happen, turn out, or act in a particular way.” To me, fate is nothing more than a pretty veil of a term that sugarcoats the harsh realities we’re born into from day one and can never seem to escape. In some cases, that harsh reality is being born into an unjust society that was built on the premise of systemic racism and oppresses millions of Black and Indigenous People of Color to this day. Many of us are faced with the reality of being born as a woman in a man’s world, fumbling around a patriarchy that stifles and demeans us every chance it gets. For others, it’s being born as a woman in a man’s body or vice versa and everything in between, in a world unprepared to accept this as normal. And some are born into poverty, for one reason or another, which makes things like getting a good education or having basic life necessities like clean drinking water and food, nearly impossible. For far too many, their harsh reality is any combination of any of these things and more.
But were any of us really fated to live these realities? The idea of a predetermined fate has held a longstanding place in human history, from moira in ancient Greek mythology to the Buddhist concept of niyati. Every decision we make is fated and has a fated outcome. When Laius learned that his son Oedipus would kill him one day, he left the infant to die. Laius couldn’t have known that this decision would be the very thing that led to his death by Oedipus’ sword decades later. One way or another, Oedipus would slay his father because that was his destiny. At least, that’s what Greek poets — maybe the greatest advocates of fate — would have us believe. But, could it be that Laius was simply a selfish man willing to leave his infant son to die in the wilderness rather than risk dying by his hand someday? I mean, selfishness isn’t exactly a rare trait.
To me, the concept of fate serves to protect people from being held accountable for their actions. Laius can’t be responsible for being a shitty father, he was fated to leave little Oedipus to die. It had to be done. And Oedipus can’t be accountable for murdering his father, he was destined to end Laius’ life in a minor and mundane dispute. It was an outcome that couldn’t be escaped. Fated outcomes teach us that we don’t truly have free will, or if we do then it’s our free will which brings our inevitable downfall. It’s easy to spin fate into a beautiful thing that brings us together with our soulmate or the perfect career opportunity, or into an ugly thing that’s made our life difficult and painful. Maybe sentient existence is so detrimental that humans had to develop something, anything to comfort ourselves psychologically…or maybe I’m dead wrong, and all of human existence was fated by some seriously fucked up deities who see us as playthings in a life simulation game. Maybe I was fated to become a single mom. Maybe I, like most women, was fated to succumb to the dangers of men.
But what if, just maybe, I am nothing more than the cynical result of generations of bad decisions or of centuries of untreated mental illnesses which I now reluctantly possess. Could it be that my harsh reality was the result of chance encounters that really were just that — chance encounters? Life altering, devastating, beautiful chance encounters. Maybe I’m just really bad at decision-making and critical thinking. And maybe I learned lessons from those bad decisions and life is a little easier now because of it. If there’s anything I want to be known about me, it’s that the path of pinning our troubles on fate and fortune has no appeal. The harsh realities we find ourselves in are the result of thousands of years of decisions and the conscious decisions we make now will either alter or sustain them.
It’s because of this belief that I’ve always grappled with the go-with-the-flow attitude some people carry with them so effortlessly. Why would I go where ever the flow takes me because fate will have its way with me regardless? No, I want to build dams along the way to protect the vulnerable cities in the flow’s path. I want to build the best boats to make navigating the flow easier and safer. I want to raise bridges to get around the flow when we need to, when we just don’t have the strength to navigate it anymore even with the finest boats. So, no, I don’t believe in fate. I believe in facing hard truths within myself and in those around me. I believe in holding myself and others accountable and tearing down broken establishments while recognizing ways that I may have helped construct or maintain them. Lets build better boats, dams, and bridges and show the flow of life, and fate, who’s boss.
